Hi, my name is Hermes, messenger of the Gods. I'm a 80 year old abusive woman with a bad left knee. I've also got turrets syndrome so please excuse my language, I can't help it.
My favorite activites include being pushed around in wheel chairs, learning how to use walkers, pretending to be a man aged pi to the power of three, and being palpated by multiple females at once.
And holy crap the roads are bad outside. You would think that there wasn't a single shovel or grain of salt anywhere in St. Louis to be found.